I’m a mum now. People tend to ask me “isn’t it amazing being a mum?”, and yes of course the answer to that is “yes”, but I’m not always sure “being a mum” necessarily covers how I feel.
I feel like the same person I’ve always been. I don’t feel older, or necessarily wiser, or even more mature. I still get freaked out by the most ridiculous things, like a scary movie on TV, or being home alone after dark. I’m still brave enough to do the things I’ve always done, like moving continents or striking up a conversation with a stranger. I’m still me, with all the good and the bad that comes with that.
All I know is that there is this precious, beautiful baby boy in my care that needs all the love and attention I can give him. That I’m willing to protect him with my own life if I had to. That my life and my happiness from now on is totally depended on his life and his happiness. That when I look into his little eyes and smile, and he smiles back, my heart explodes inside my chest.
And he is my whole world. My human. My heart will never be the same; the layers are gone and it no longer has the ability to protect itself from hurt. I’ve become the person who cries at a news story, from reading a book, from watching a reality show about love on TV. From hearing a sad story about a child. Just like all the other mothers in the world.
So yes – it is amazing being a mum. Just in so many more ways than words could ever describe.